My name is Jessica Bauer, and this is my story.
I was born in a crack in time. The time vortex began to break down. Began to crack. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but from a vortex crack I grew. I was tossed onto this world known by it's inhabitants as 'Earth' like tornado winds whisk flowers from their warm roots embedded in the deep brown dirt: fast like lightning, forceful like roaring ocean waves, and unbeatable like a god.
I have stayed on this earth for millions years. Or less than I second depending on your point of view. I don't change appearance, not once. Since the crack in the vortex I have been alone. I am always alone. I never utter a sound. I never touch anything but the different textures of this earth beneath my feet. I never stop walking. But I am always alone. I always have been and I always will be.
Sometimes I wonder about myself. All the time I see Earth's inhabitants grow old and frail. I see them wither away to nothing while I continue on. I observe them. I watch them grow sick. I watch the pain of their loved ones grow mountainously after one inhabitant falls into eternal sleep. Why am I not this way? I observe everyone and everyone observes me. Yet I never speak to them. Yet somehow they always feel a strong urge to talk to me, and then, act upon that urge. I prefer to not talk. To keep walking. To be alone.
All these creatures consume Earth. I believe they are called humans. All of them appear in different shapes and colors. I'll never understand this strange place. Perhaps that is why I am always alone. Yet sometimes, I long to be understood. To feel the way these humans do. Sometimes humans show happiness. Sometimes they show pain and sorrow. And sometimes, they show anger and aggression.
I may be alone, but that doesn't mean that these humans don't think of me as alone. When they try to talk to me and I don't answer, some grow angry. It's strange. Some humans keep reappearing over time. I think they follow me in my journey. Perhaps they too, are alone. But they don't seem like it. They're always asking me why I don't speak or stop walking. They know I am different. The probably know why. But I don't. Why am I different?
They are the same. They talk, walk, and go about their lives. Pretty soon, some reappearing faces will cast me out. Throw me dirty glances through their crystal clear eyes. It's so easy to feel that I've done something wrong to be different. So easy...
Wake up!
I'm awake now. What a strange dream. I was a girl who wasn't a human. I was different. A first, people tried to accept me by asking questions about me. But I was too different. They cast me out. I had not followed what they believed appropriate social interactions. Yet, in the dream, I felt that I was myself. They didn't accept me though. I was different. Weird. I was blamed for it. Cast out. Alone.
Was this dream telling me something? It feels so familiar. This is my life. This is who I am. I am myself. I am Jessica. I'm weird and I don't talk. And my fellow students don't accept me for it. It's funny how dreams can become so real. Your life pours into those dreams and suddenly you feel more alone than ever. Your mind creates a fictional character whose qualities are yours.
In the dream, they didn't like me- Jessica. They didn't accept her because she was weird. People don't accept me because I'm weird. I'm alone just like Jessica. I'm weird too. I don't talk to anybody, not that people try to talk to me anymore unless its an insult. Sometimes I wish I had friends. Sometimes I wish I understood why I don't have friends. I wish I weren't alone.
Actually, it's alright. I'm myself. I may be a social outcast but I didn't stoop as low as my attackers to conform to their expectations. I stayed myself through everything they threw at me. Maybe that's all I need. To be myself.
